Making Resolutions: read this first!
We are getting to the point in the calendar year where we start to think about the New Year. Maybe you are feeling a little lethargic, a little overindulged from the holiday season? Maybe you have big plans for January? - Dry January, Veganuary, new gym membership, a juice diet or a new slimming club subscription; maybe you are going to nail that morning routine - exercise, meditation and journalling done before breakfast - yes, that will do it! Whether it is a plan for Jan or a plan for 2023, this really is a time when we get hopeful that we can do things differently, that we may be able to assert positive changes into our lives.
This is interesting to me and firstly I am curious about why we are all so desperate for change, are we not happy or satisfied with the way things are? Do we want more for our lives? Are we bored or disillusioned? Did we just think that there was more to life than this? Hold those questions there for a moment.
According to Forbes, approximately 80% of New Years Resolutions fail. Look back at your own life and honestly assess how many times you have managed to stick to a resolution and it has impacted upon your life in a meaningful way…
Again this peaks my curiosity - we are dissatisfied enough to desire change, we make a decision to do something differently; we set a resolution - we become resolute about a change we are making. Then, for at least 80% of us, it fails, it doesn’t work. Whether that is two days into the new year or a three weeks later, or maybe mid February, our resolution fails, our desire to change wanes, life becomes busy again and we are back in our patterns, getting through and waiting for the next break or holiday. Nothing really changed, not only that, but now we failed too! We lose belief in ourselves and our ability and we become resigned to ‘the way it is’.
This sounds awfully depressing, and I don’t mean it to be. If you know me then you will know that I am above all else optimistic.
However I am not just optimistic, I am also REALISTIC If we want to REALLY make changes then we need to get real and honest here. Often our short term goals are the tip of the iceberg. They appear to be what we want - the bit you can see, but when we delve a bit deeper we start to see that actually there is so much more going on underneath. If we want to change the tip of that iceberg, the bit we can see, then we need to go deep and start looking at and rearranging the stuff underneath. This is what I work with clients on in my coaching practice, or participants in my applied theatre practice. There are lots of ways we can explore what is going on under the surface in order to make the changes we can see, but for the purposes of this blog I am going to outline three key points that you can take away and use to help you with your resolutions, or intentions or the days ahead.
WHY? What is your why? Why do you want to have a strong morning routine? What will that give you? What will it change for you? Your WHY is key to ANY change. Its your motivation, your drive and your desire. Without that you are relying on willpower and strength of mind and unfortunately that is a finite resource and we are all human. Work out your WHY, write it down, stick it on your bathroom mirror or make it the screensaver on your phone.Keep asking yourself, why, what do I really want? Be honest, get vulnerable, go there! What is your why that makes you cry?
BELIEFS - Do you really believe you can do this or are there some limiting or fear based beliefs lurking under the surface that are actually holding you back. These can be sneaky and hidden so you may have to dig here. What are you afraid of, really afraid of? If you succeed in following that marathon training plan, what might you have to give up, do you really want to give that up? You want to get your body strong and healthy but actually you are living with the belief that you hate your body and your body is not good enough? Meditating every day could lead to changes in other parts of your life and maybe you aren’t ready for those yet? Dig, dig, dig here.
RESOURCES - What can you put in place to help you to succeed. Do you need to tell your friends and family about your plans? Remove the booze from the cupboard? Set up a quiet space away from the noise and busyness to meditate? What about the people you surround yourself with, are they going to support you, or try to distract you? What do you need from them? (We all need support, we are human). Is there a group or programme you can join for accountability? Can you find someone who has a similar resolution and become accountability buddies? Can you invest in coaching so that you can give these changes you wish to make the time and attention they deserve?
Wanting change in our lives, wanting to find more moments of joy, find our purpose and live a fulfilling life are absolutely within our reach. I am passionate about helping people to find these things and transform their lives, I have seen it happen and I know how exciting it can be. But New Years Resolutions are not usually the best way of going about those changes and if they don’t work (80%!) and we come away feeling like we’ve failed then they often do more harm than good.
My invitation to you would be to spend some time this January thinking about what you really want for 2023, going beneath the tip of that iceberg and excavating your why, your beliefs and your resources. Journal, walk, talk, find some quiet, go inwards and get yourself in a place where you are ready - you would not go on the biggest adventure of your life without careful planning, packing and preparation, so why embark on your life changing journey in this way. This new year give yourself some grace, some space and the time that you deserve to REALLY make those changes.
I have a lovely journalling resource that may help you to start this journey. It is called 10 Days of Writing to Reconnect and you can download your copy of it here.